I was recently reminded of a story told by Joe Batten at a Leadership Training Seminar. [Joe wrote the best selling book titled: “Tough-Minded Leadership”.] And it got me thinking that effective parents are very much like effective leaders… we just don’t seem to term it that way.

Today I want to change that… so I share Joe’s (true) story and ask you to consider your ‘parentship’ skills.

Are You a Driver or a Leader?

A number of years ago, Joe met with a group of 35 CEOs for a daylong seminar on his favorite subject, Leadership. Early in the presentation, he asked them, “How many of you are leaders in your company?” Every person in the room raised his hand. Joe smiled and said, “I’ll ask you the same question after I share this true story with you.”

In the Middle-East there are two countries, separated only by a border, who have large sheep and mutton industries. The cultures of the two countries are radically different and they are hostile to each other. In fact, they have even fought wars with each other.

In one country, the shepherds walk behind their flocks. In the other country, the shepherds walk in front of their flocks. Now remember, this is a true story.

In the country where the shepherds walk behind their flocks, the quality of the mutton and the wool is poor and it is not a profitable industry.

In the country where the shepherds walk in front of their flocks, the quality of the mutton and wool is excellent and the profitability is high.

Why?

In the flocks where the shepherd walks behind and pushes, drives, corrects, and is always in charge, the young sheep grow up afraid to stray from the flock for fear of being rapped up-side the head by the shepherd’s staff or having the dogs sent out to round them up.

They have no opportunity to explore for better grass and water, or to play with other young lambs. They simply become obedient, passive and apathetic. By the time they are grown, they have lost all initiative. They are not really healthy.

In the country where the shepherds walk in front of their flocks, the young lambs have plenty of opportunity to stray, play, experiment, and then catch up to the flock. Instead of feeling overly controlled, compressed, repressed, depressed and suppressed, they feel free, empowered, enhanced and stretched. They eat more, sleep better and grow up large and healthy. They are truly led.”

When Joe finished his story, assuring the executives once more of its authenticity, he asked again, “How many of you truly lead in your company?” Not a hand was raised.

The reason I told you Joe’s story was to make a distinction between driving your children forward and Leading them toward success, and to let you know that that is a fundamental choice you can make. I feel it is the most important decision you have to make in order to succeed.

Don’t be driven by your fears… instead be LED by your highest values and your grandest vision.